Critique: Take me out to the ball game!

After not having written in over a week (so sorry – but it’s tax time and I work in the financial industry – life has NOT been pretty lately!), I’m interrupting the weddingness for this season-relevant post.

Friday in Milwaukee was Opening Day at Miller Park – against the Cubs (booo!), no less, which meant Saturday was the first game in our season ticket pack.  Although Art is a Milwaukee transplant, he’s quickly adopted a soft spot for the Brewers and all that comes with them (long summer days of tailgating, overpriced Miller products, and questionably good baseball).  After spotting the THIRD too-skinny girl in too tight skinnies tucked into too tall knee-high boots, we’re definitely overdue for a Guide to Dressing Like a Baller: ChicCritique edition.

Dressing Like a Baller – DO NOT:

• wear heels.  They slow you down and make you look pretentious.  If you’re attending the game in attempt to be “one of the guys” or to be “fun,” teetering all day on inappropriately high heels does not gain you any points.  Miller Park has exit ramps, which are favored over stairs or escalators for ease in exiting the park; heels work especially terribly in this context.
• bring a huge purse/bag with you.  If the seat beside yours is occupied, the only other option for bag storage is under your seat; however, placing your bag here puts its fate in the hands of the fan in the seat behind you.  In my experience, the odds are that this person will be either a) a child left to run free, spilling his Mountain Dew and his dad’s Miller Light into the row in front of him – and also into your purse (and then onto the $200 authentic Brewer jersey you just purchased as a Father’s Day gift), or b) the guy who REALLY loves peanuts – who loves him so much you end up with peanut shells in your hair, in your bag, and down your shirt.  Sometimes these people come together, or Peanut Guy gets tipsy and reverts to Soda Boy.  Take your pick – just leave your Balenciaga at home (since we’re talking Milwaukee here, I should revise that to “leave your Coach at home”).
• pretend that it’s summer just because it’s baseball season.  It was 38 degrees on Opening Day and didn’t top 40 the next day.  Please explain to me why I had to look at shivering, tacky, blue-lipped chickies in cut-off denim minis.  This leads nicely into my final DO NOT…
• DO NOT dress like a hoochie.  I love my cleavage as much as the next girl, but honestly, unless you’re out for a bachelorette party, there’s no reason for it.  The majority of the guys at the game are there for the game – they can catch an eyeful of lady flesh at any bar and spend a whole lot less money on an excuse to do so ($7/each beer, $25 priority parking, $20+ on tickets, $? on food – it adds up!).  The ball park is also a family place, and small children shouldn’t be subjected to your lack of decency – yuck!

• Keep it classy, people!

and here are some tips to look like the Baller that you are!  DO:

•  get supportive a wear a team tee.  Vintage is best; fitted is always cute (opt for men’s sizes over little boys’ as the men’s are longer and leaner if you can find an XS/S/M); baggy and grungy is never cute.  My go-to items are either my dad’s old tee from the ’82 World Series or the Ryan Braun tee from Art last year.
• or, work the casual-but-still-put-together angle.  I’m usually anti-screen printed items, so when I’m feeling less than cheerleadery, I’ll choose simpler layered tees or a hooded cashmere sweater.  You can have more fun in the summer, and definitely get more creative on a night out with the girls…but keep it unfussy.
• accessorize – but again, don’t get too crazy.  Heels are a non-no, but espedrilles or a cute pair of gladiator sandals (if the weather cooperates) could work.  Plain hoop earrings, an interesting necklace, or a cute headwrap…all appropriate.  Anything that looks too dressed-up comes across as trying too hard.
• block the sun!  This one should be a given, but sunblock, a hat, and a great pair of sunglasses are mandatory for enjoying day games in the summer.
• lastly, DO come with a good attitude.  Even if you’re more of a champagne kind of girl than a beer & brat type, soak in the atmosphere and relax.  Guys worry about so much less than girls, so take a note from them and let yourself enjoy the day.  Nothing is more noticably unattractive than a sour face among those smiling and partaking in the fun.

Batter up!!